In case your wondering, no I haven't started IVF, just getting some practice in!
Over the past few years Benny has had quite a few times gotten superficial blood clots. Hes had blood work done numerous times to figure out what was causing them but they didn't find anything.
Last Monday he finally tested positive for a blood disorder and they also gave him yet another ultra sound and this time he has a deep vein blood clot which is a lot more serious.
To get rid of it he had to give himself injections of a blood thinner twice a day until his blood levels were more balanced to what they should be.
The nurse talked him through what he needed to do and helped him do his first shot. We walked out and I told him how well he had done. He confessed that he hadn't actually done it, he was working himself up to it and the nurse pushed his hand. Shows how well I was watching, I looked away at the last minute because I was feeling light headed
I could tell he was nervous about it because at least 5 times he said to me, "I don't know if I can do it, will you do it for me?" and each time I replied, " I think so, lets just wait and see, one of us will do it."
The first I just did with as little thinking as possible. It took me a little while because it was scary and I didn't want to hurt him. I knew how badly he wanted it over with so rather than putting it off I did it quite quickly. The thing that most worried me was that I didn't know how much force/ pressure I needed to use. As it turned out I did a bit too hard so I needed to go a bit gentler the next time.The second I tried again going more slowly and he said he hardly felt it so I felt quite confident.
When it was time for the third I was feeling ok and then at the last minute he said 'just try not to do it like last time, that one ended up hurting all day' which made me loose my nerve and he had to do it himself
The fourth I still wasn't feeling at all confident. As I pierced the skin he flinched (He had told me to go slow and I had accidentally gone fast again, naturally trying to get it over with as fast as possible!) so as it shocked me he flinched I pulled out the needle without thinking to see what was up. This meant he had to have another needle which he understandably wasn't happy about. I got scared and he had to do it again.
At this point I told him that if he wanted me to keep doing them he was going to have to stop telling me what not to do because it made me loose my nerve completely for him to talk about it hurting. I felt mean saying this because of course he would want to tell me to avoid it happening again but after having to do it himself twice he was felt like he would rather just let me get on with it rather than doing it himself.
This ended up being a helpful conversation.
The times he had put the needle in I had still pushed in the medicine, I wasn't scared to do that at all. He told me that all the times I had done the needle it hadn't hurt as much as the medicine pushing in anyway. It kind of made me feel better to know that I wasn't in control of inflicting the most pain. Whether I did the needle perfectly or not it didn't hurt as much and was faster than the medicine. He was also more appreciative and gentle with me, remembering that I was as scared as him. He told me only what to do- trust that the needle will go in without force, have it right near the skin and then slowly push it through.
The last 3 needles I put on some lavender oil to help me relax (a great idea of my aunty Els ) and just did them, I felt ok again. I didn't ask Benny how they were or if they hurt, I just got through them all.
I'm glad I had to do the last 3, If I had never done them after the two that I didn't do I would have been very scared about IVF. Now I've stopped after a positive experience with the last few so I feel a bit more confident.
When it was time for the third I was feeling ok and then at the last minute he said 'just try not to do it like last time, that one ended up hurting all day' which made me loose my nerve and he had to do it himself
The fourth I still wasn't feeling at all confident. As I pierced the skin he flinched (He had told me to go slow and I had accidentally gone fast again, naturally trying to get it over with as fast as possible!) so as it shocked me he flinched I pulled out the needle without thinking to see what was up. This meant he had to have another needle which he understandably wasn't happy about. I got scared and he had to do it again.
At this point I told him that if he wanted me to keep doing them he was going to have to stop telling me what not to do because it made me loose my nerve completely for him to talk about it hurting. I felt mean saying this because of course he would want to tell me to avoid it happening again but after having to do it himself twice he was felt like he would rather just let me get on with it rather than doing it himself.
This ended up being a helpful conversation.
The times he had put the needle in I had still pushed in the medicine, I wasn't scared to do that at all. He told me that all the times I had done the needle it hadn't hurt as much as the medicine pushing in anyway. It kind of made me feel better to know that I wasn't in control of inflicting the most pain. Whether I did the needle perfectly or not it didn't hurt as much and was faster than the medicine. He was also more appreciative and gentle with me, remembering that I was as scared as him. He told me only what to do- trust that the needle will go in without force, have it right near the skin and then slowly push it through.
The last 3 needles I put on some lavender oil to help me relax (a great idea of my aunty Els ) and just did them, I felt ok again. I didn't ask Benny how they were or if they hurt, I just got through them all.
I'm glad I had to do the last 3, If I had never done them after the two that I didn't do I would have been very scared about IVF. Now I've stopped after a positive experience with the last few so I feel a bit more confident.
