3 years and happy new year

3 whole years with my benny. the aniversary or our first kiss was last night at 12

ever day i love him more (or did i love him this much yesterday and just forget? he he)

Seriously though, living together has made us so much closer. i love quiet moments of normalness together. every day is fun. hes my favourite

merry christmas (a post better late than never?)

oh my, christmas.

buisy buisy buisy, fun fun fun!

i seriously recieved the coolest stuf. piles and mountains of awesome stuff it seemed when i got it into our tiny house. some how ive mannaged to find room for it all.

i got a juice maker from benny and milkshake cups from aj (which are of course really juice cups now)

a few more combis for the collection. its getting outa control and i love it! the 'patchwork quilt' patterned one is my favourite favourite favourite! i herby set a life long challenge for anyone to ever gift me a cooler combi than that one, lils set the bar ridiculously high

i got tons of garden pretties. sigh, i love anything that makes my garden pretty! and a book that weighs probably similar to ten bricks full of pictures of pretty vegie patches. ah, heaven

oh and the most important present was probably my much needed new frypan. a nice booring super practical much appreciated present (dont worry, i picked it out so im not offending anyone)

i went and stayed with mum because i had first aid course in kadina

do you know what was super fun about first aid (who knew there was anything fun about first aid) i was told i was in a full day class but when i got there he told me i only had to stay 2.5 hours as it was a CPR refresher. yay!

we went walking around kadina and also went for a walk on the beach at wallaroo. i love walking and chatting with mum

and this was last week when it was hot

because i got out of first aid so early i bought some journal making supplies, packed some fried rice and water and had a picnic in my favourite park. i so enjoyed having nothing to do but make and eat, enjoy old familiar trees that ive grown up visiting often. so nice to just sit and watch the world wizz by while relaxed my mind

i wrote my very fist page (theres nothing like filling that very first journal page!)

heres my new stainless steel drink bottle that i got after reading this about sigg (i used to use a sigg bottle) If you use a sigg bottle i recomend you read that link and decide for yourself if you still want to use it. i was pleased to discover that my new bottle still fits into my favourite cover

my new journal. the sticker at the bottom says dreams and wishes

what to do when its a million degrees

this week is a hot hot hot one. so what do you do if its your day off and its just far to hot to do.. well anything!!

i like to start by busting out the picnic blanket and some nice cushy cushions. the bigger and cushier the better. don't worry i have no intentions of leaving the house, the perfect picnic relaxation spot today is the lounge room floor

right under the air con!

put on favourite new dress so as to feel super pretty and take photo of self while standing on bath

make ice tea and fill with many many ice cubes. drink fast because the ice cubes wont last long

have a yummy brekkie of strawberries, banana and yogurt. get all happy that its like eating desert for brekkie but its sugar free and healthy, yay fun:) get enough books journals and funky coloured pens that you wont have to get up until this nasty hot weather is gone for the day

last but not least hook up ipod and put on music that will make you feel like your at the beach on a warm evening swimming and sipping pina coladas (however you spell that) I put on jack johnson "sleep through the static' album that always reminds me of his awesome concert last year and going on this awesome holiday. ahh bliss!

wherever you all are hope you all have a cool and fabulous day!!!

heres my chicabees at 3 weeks old.

last weekend we went to my sister annekes place and had an absolute ball like always. i got some great stuff at her local trash and tressure market and we spent some time at her beautiful beach. and of course as usual i was having so much fun that i forgot to take photos except this one which i love (excuse the camera phone poor quality)

i love cooking

broad beans and cabbage from my garden, tomatoes, plus

whatever veggies are in the fridge and some wholemeal pasta equals

my favourite throw together veggie pasta

freeing my mind

after writing yesterdays post i feel so much lighter and at peace with myself

thankyou very much for such lovely comments. its funny that i often hold things to myself for fear of being judged or wrong but generally im the one judging myself the most harshly. the rest of the world is much more kind and forgiving.

i want to write a little more about my life that i wasnt sharing. this post may get a little long and booring but im realy just writing it down for my own healing.

basicly since i got my cycle (age 12) i never took much notice of its length but ive always had occasional times where it only lasted 2 weeks. bennys often told me i should go to a doctor and i often thought i should but never got around to it.

after a few months of trying for a baby my cycle started lasting only 2 weeks each time. finally i went to a doctor (and had multiple blood tests ((only almost passed out from the firsty one lol:)), very proud of myself as ive had a fear of needles which im slowly getting over) and found out i had polycystic ovarian syndrome.

i was utterly numb. the numb feeling didnt realy go away, its just sort of lessened over the last couple of months since i found out. some how even though it was a shock (i presumed theyd just give me some fancy little tablet to fix my cycle and id be on my merry way, all fixed) it felt like something i already knew deep in my heart. when we decided to try for a baby i was so happy but in the back of my mind i felt like it was just too good to be true. i wanted it just too much

i believe that we all come to this earth with a life purpose and life is about learning, growing, becoming the person who can forfil this purpose. ive been passionate about little children for as long as i can remember. ive always known that my purpose had a lot to do with children. i feel like im here to teach as many kids as the universe sends my way how to be gentle, kind, passionate people who love and believe in themselves.

to be completely honest with the world and myself, the main reasons i started doing family day care was because its the closest thing possible to being a mum. its the only job i can imagine myself feeling passionate about. most days it doesnt feel like work, it just feels like im where i should be. i am so thankful for all the kids i am blessed with but i just want one more. the only one that will fit into the little gap in my heart that i feel i was born with. my own child(ok, a few would be nice, but one would be a great start)

this post has gotten away from me a bit, now that ive opened my little envelope of secrets, every secret thought, every bit of sadness ive felt just wants to be released. each word makes me feel a little more freed. i sat down with the intention of writing about the natural ways ive been trying to heal my body and instead ive released what will heal my mind.

three more positive things today

*yesterday i cried because i took a pregnancy test and it was negative. today i cried in relief because i dont feel so alone. i have always struggled letting others know how i feel. i dont know if i could have told anyone all that ive written down. i am thankful to be able to sit in a room by myself and figure out what i want to share, and then send it out to the world and know that the world hears me

* i am thankful for love and joy. two feeling that make life wonderful

* i am realy looking forward to going to mums for tea tonight, and going to annekes on the weekend. i feel excited like i havent felt for a while. i guess thats what a freed heart does to a person!

honest

i haven't been around here much for a while, i guess I've come here many times, started writing and then it felt fake so left it for another day.its felt fake because I've been avoiding the elephant in the room.

much of this year I've been focused on trying to get pregnant. i tried hard to relax, not think about it and just be happy when it happened but its been an on going struggle let go. its something i want so bad.

a few months ago i knew something wasn't right and went to the doctors hoping they would prove me wrong and that i was OK. a few tests later i found out i have polycystic ovarian syndrome. I'm 21 years old, all I've ever wanted to do with my life is be a stay at home mum. it still feels unreal that i have this syndrome that may make that dream impossible.

in general im ok but some days arent great. some days i feel alone even though ive got so many loved ones there to take care of me. i guess i dont realy want to be taken care of because that would mean admitting that there is something wrong, that im realy not ok.

i guess ive not shared this here before for much the same reason. ive said to myself that i dont want to be negative, to whinge, to have anyone feel sorry for me but realy i just think ive been scared. scared to put it out there and make it all the more real.

there is peace in sharing who i am. this blog is a record of my life. mostly i just want to share the good things because theyre what i want to look back and remember. i also want to share the not so pretty bits. i want to look back as i do from time to time and see the whole me, my heart and soul. how i felt even if i wasnt always happy


well there you go. now id better share just a few happy thoughts before i go
*my strawberry and borrage pot is looking most happy
*ive been getting heaps of work lately which is great

*my hen boots had 3 chicks

garden recycling

when i grow seeds i try to find ways to have a glass house effect so that they are warm and able sprout quickly, without using glad wrap. sometimes i put a big clear plastic tub over which works well. today i ran out of seedling trays so i put some eccinacea seeds in a yoghurt tub. then a rather obvious thought popped into my head, da duh, plastic lid equals the easiest mini glass house ever!!

i also have this old kids pool that got a hole in it. its now going to be a garden bed, im thinking maybe strawberries and borrage? or a herb patch? mm yum! it excites me not only that i can move it between sun and shade, but also its going to be so easy to move it when we move in the future

and just a few pictures of seedlings ive been growing, zucchini

corriander

basil (my favourite)

wild yeasted (sour dough) bread

well, here is the second loaf (because of course the first loaf dissapeared before i could take the photo because it was sooo good)

i can see i will definately be making lots of this. i recently read a whole book on bread making. while this sounds like a bit of overkill just to make a loaf of bread, i found it realy helpful. it had all the little bits and pieces that recipes just presume you already know (um no!)

dont you love 'just because' suprise presents! one week my wonderful benny went to adelaide with his parents to do our food shopping but i had to stay home to work. i absolutely love jamie oliver's jamie at home series on tv so benny brought me home the book. its fantastic, i love it!

he also got me this realy cool old style weighing scale so i no longer have to look through a million (minor exageration) recipes in search of recipes that only need cup mesurements. yay!!

ive been out in the garden adding more no-dig garden beds. the one in my tutorial is growing fantasticly

esme, one of the recent chickens i got turned out to be a rooster so we swapped him for this little girl, lucy

ive been making a sour dough bread starter (natural yeast made by fermenting flour and water) for the past week. this afternoon a made a dough and its on its first rise at the moment

aj and kanes visit

the playground (which now has an old school roundabout, wahoo!)


aj and kane ready to go to balac races


pancakes with fruit salad

mia wanted some pancakes too!

no-dig garden bed tutorial

this morning i set up another no dig garden bed. it was realy quick and easy (probably took around 1/2 hour)


these garden beds are said to be fantastic for veggies, producing much more produce than regular garden beds. mine are varied from esther deans gardening book-growwing with digging (i think i blogged about it like a year ago-yes its taken me that long to get arround to having a go!!)


for a garden bed you need-
old newspapers, pea straw, lucern hay (i didnt have any so for now ive used regular hay) some well aged manure or blood and bone, compost (i used dirt from my old veggie patch at mums garden)

soak the old newspaper thoroughly in water. we had lots of rain yesterday so our rainwater tanks run off was full. perfect, even less wastage for my project!

layer newspaper over the area you want the garden bed. it can be over weeds, dont worry about getting rid of them. the thicker your layer of newspaper the better. this will keep weeds from growing through. overlap edges by around 15cm to avoid weed growth at the joins.


you can stomp down the newspaper if the weeds are keeping it high off the ground, little helpers enjoy this job. sprinkle with your ferteliser of choice (manure or blood and bone)

cover the newspaper with chunks of pea straw or lucern hay(as it comes off the bale)


sprinkle with more ferteliser (if you have more than one type its good to use something different for this second layer to vary nutrients)


add a thick layer of loose straw or hay and water down well.

pull apart the straw where you want to put a plant or seeds

fill with compost or organic matter rich dirt.

plant seedling or seeds.

i put 4 or 5 hand spades full of dirt in each hole as the dirt sinks in a bit

water in well

it would look great to have edging for the garden beds but ive found they stay in place just fine as long as theyve been watered in well. unless chickens get into them, thats another story and its not pretty!

if anyone else has a go at this or already has, please do let me know how you go!

ducks, no dig gardening and a whole lota rain

on the weekend we got 3 ducks, the little white girl is called jemima puddle duck (and ironicly shes the only one who loves the pond so far) the male is bennys and he called it ajax. our last girl were still deciding on a name for

we whipped up their home out of an old cupboard. a few cuts, a whole lot of staples later its a cozy little bed for them to sleep at night. they are so adorable and very cudly (they arent easy to catch yet but as soon as youve picked them up their quite happy

heres dad with all the chookies.

my garden project at the moment has been setting up no-dig garden beds (as ive mentioned before our soil is very clay so no-dig gardens are a great solution for this).

the most fun one has been potatoes, i love being able to shift away the straw and see whats happening "under ground", very cool to see tiny potatoes forming and shoots reaching for the light.

ill take some photos of them to share. in fact im adding on to a garden bed tomorrow, if i remember ill do a little tutorial on how ive been doing mine

this is what i got benny for his birthday, a dart board. hes very happy with it