i haven't been around here much for a while, i guess I've come here many times, started writing and then it felt fake so left it for another day.its felt fake because I've been avoiding the elephant in the room.
much of this year I've been focused on trying to get pregnant. i tried hard to relax, not think about it and just be happy when it happened but its been an on going struggle let go. its something i want so bad.
a few months ago i knew something wasn't right and went to the doctors hoping they would prove me wrong and that i was OK. a few tests later i found out i have polycystic ovarian syndrome. I'm 21 years old, all I've ever wanted to do with my life is be a stay at home mum. it still feels unreal that i have this syndrome that may make that dream impossible.
in general im ok but some days arent great. some days i feel alone even though ive got so many loved ones there to take care of me. i guess i dont realy want to be taken care of because that would mean admitting that there is something wrong, that im realy not ok.
i guess ive not shared this here before for much the same reason. ive said to myself that i dont want to be negative, to whinge, to have anyone feel sorry for me but realy i just think ive been scared. scared to put it out there and make it all the more real.
there is peace in sharing who i am. this blog is a record of my life. mostly i just want to share the good things because theyre what i want to look back and remember. i also want to share the not so pretty bits. i want to look back as i do from time to time and see the whole me, my heart and soul. how i felt even if i wasnt always happy
well there you go. now id better share just a few happy thoughts before i go
*my strawberry and borrage pot is looking most happy
*ive been getting heaps of work lately which is great
much of this year I've been focused on trying to get pregnant. i tried hard to relax, not think about it and just be happy when it happened but its been an on going struggle let go. its something i want so bad.
a few months ago i knew something wasn't right and went to the doctors hoping they would prove me wrong and that i was OK. a few tests later i found out i have polycystic ovarian syndrome. I'm 21 years old, all I've ever wanted to do with my life is be a stay at home mum. it still feels unreal that i have this syndrome that may make that dream impossible.
in general im ok but some days arent great. some days i feel alone even though ive got so many loved ones there to take care of me. i guess i dont realy want to be taken care of because that would mean admitting that there is something wrong, that im realy not ok.
i guess ive not shared this here before for much the same reason. ive said to myself that i dont want to be negative, to whinge, to have anyone feel sorry for me but realy i just think ive been scared. scared to put it out there and make it all the more real.
there is peace in sharing who i am. this blog is a record of my life. mostly i just want to share the good things because theyre what i want to look back and remember. i also want to share the not so pretty bits. i want to look back as i do from time to time and see the whole me, my heart and soul. how i felt even if i wasnt always happy
well there you go. now id better share just a few happy thoughts before i go
*my strawberry and borrage pot is looking most happy
*ive been getting heaps of work lately which is great
*my hen boots had 3 chicks
oh Karen my heart truly ached for you during this post. I wish you lived down the street so I could pop in with a nice cuppa and something homemade and chocolate. Please do not give up on your dreams I know many women with PCOS that have gone on to have large families. Sending you strength and love.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for sharing what's been going on - my heart is aching for you too. Will be praying your doctors will give you the best treatment they can and that your dreams will come true.
ReplyDeletexo
jeana
I wondered where you had got to...I have two girlfriends who have PCOS. Both had children assisted and unassisted. Don't give up on your dream. You have age on your side. Hunt it down and make it happen. Thank you for sharing.
ReplyDeleteMonxx
You are a born mother Karen, and in my heart of hearts I believe that one day you will. It might take time, and it might be harder than it is for most, but some things are worth fighting for.
ReplyDeleteAnd, remember this, I am just down the road from you, not really very far, so please, please, come see me if you need some cheering up.
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