Benny and I were both sure that he had said I would try another medication and then a few other things. Instead he has given us a referral to go to the city for IVF.
Were not sure if he means for us to have IVF right away or just that he had done all he could so we need to go there and they will look into what to try next. I feel like we haven't really done all the usual steps that I've read on about online on forums etc. in fact after 5 years I actually still don't even know if I ovulate but we will go and find out.
You want to know the crazy thing? After years of dragging my feet and not feeling ready I finally feel like I am. Rather than feeling terrified like I did when I got told to have the laparoscopy (I then put it off for a year or so before having it) I'm completely excited and hoping it happens soon.
One day I was sitting thinking about it and thinking to myself that if I were to wake up the next day and start injections for IVF that it would be fine. Exciting even.
This is not to say that its going to be easy, I'm still scared of needles and procedures like pretty much everyone else but after a few years of blood tests, having the needle in my arm to knock me out for laparoscopy (mental blank on the name) reading lots of info, forums of people going through it, watching you tube IVF diaries of people going through it and giving themselves injections i've desensitized myself to it a bit and find the thought much less scary. I think it also helps that after all this time I feel like my body has had plenty of time to cooperate and still hasn't so I feel quite sure that this is what we need. I started off by watching you tube videos of people giving themselves injections for IVF to see how big the needles were and how they did it but not actually being able to watch the actual injection and then after a while i made myself watch the whole thing. I concentrate on feeling relaxed while watching.
On the weekend Benny was given an injection at the doctors. In the past I probably would have left the room or at least looked away but because I knew that IVF is in our near future I watched and it was completely fine (I thought I might have gotten light headed like I have in the past seeing needles)
At the first appointment I have a blood test so I will be watching it unlike every other time I have blood tests and try to convince myself that i'm actually anywhere but there:)
So i'm getting over my fears of IVF, now I just need to worry about how i'm going to be feeling full of crazy hormones, and the rather large cost.
It's not ideal by any stretch but were going to do it and hopefully this is my year to get pregnant... (and then ill need more needles! but by then ill be so used to them ill tell the doc go for it. Maybe.)
This is your year! And you know that I think its worth it, my IVF baby is proof of that! And when its all over and you're pregnant it becomes a distant memory :) Keep us updated!
ReplyDeleteyes, cant wait until it's a distant memory for us too, holly is definitely proof how worth it it is. When I saw the video clip of her giggling the other day I was thinking to myself, right, bring on the needles! Can't wait until that's us with our long awaited little one:)
DeleteI agree, this is your year! I remember feeling those exact same feelings regarding IVF, getting poked with needles, etc. It's honestly not as bad as it sounds, as most of the needles are subcutaneous and go a short amount into your fat tissue (belly usually). I wrote a blog post about the funny places we had to give me injections actually, haha! If you ever want someone to talk to please come to me - it was such a rollercoaster, from the failed clomid, then IUI's, then finally successful IVF - it was so worth it!
ReplyDeleteAnd who knows you'll likely be like me and get magically pregnant 18 months after the first ;)
ha, I remember that post, look what ive got to look forward to:) It means so much to me to know I can talk to you and you know what i'm going through, thankyou. Fingers crossed I do magically get pregnant 18months after our first. Were not planning on preventing until we've got two so its a bit scary to think we could end up with our two 10 months appart. I'm definitely crossing my fingers for getting pregnant after 18 months, that would be much nicer:)
Deleteit took us two years to get pregnant, but we did not have to use IVF. However, how you describe your state of mind is exactly how I felt when it finally did happen. Just a calm readiness. I will be thinking of you both. Best wishes. Be well.
ReplyDeleteWaiting is so hard isn't it. I think my first year or two waiting was the hardest. So glad you got your adorable little miracle, fingers crossed I can share mine with you all soon:)
DeleteThankyou