not yet

Yesterday we got our results and they were a bit unexpected. We were expecting a yes or no but as it turns out it was more of a sort of. I actually did get pregnant but my hcg level was supposed to be at 150 and mine was 9 so it's an almost guaranteed  early miscarriage (chemical pregnancy). I've already had some bleeding so I've not got any hope that I would be in the 1% that ends in a continuing pregnancy. I've been told to  stop my progesterone and tablets and should get a heavy period and will have another blood test friday to see if my levels are down.
At first I felt glad that it meant I did get pregnant, figuring that It meant that at least I can, plus it was nice to her the words 'your pregnant' even though I had already been warned that it wasn't good news. (I've never been pregnant that I know of) but it also worried me that it could happen again, I know some people have repeated miscarriages. I also started to wonder if it's happened before as I've sometimes had periods that were different to usual that made me wonder. I guess I wont know, I just need to keep looking forward and hope for the best.
Anyhow, Benny and I enjoyed snuggling on the couch together watching funny movies. Although we're disappointed and both had a few sad moments yesterday were mostly just looking ahead to our frozen embryo transfer. Were hoping to have it July but it depends on getting money back from medicare from our IVF in time so it may be a bit later in the year. Either way it will be nice to have a bit of a break to focus on other things for a while as this whole thing has been pretty full on and all consuming.
It's a relief that for now its over.
Of course it would have been much better to get good news but i'm pretty glad just to be off the roller coaster for a short while yet knowing that when we get back on there's good things and hope somewhere ahead. For now just being -no needles, drugs, appointments, ultrasounds, wondering, going crazy counting down days- just being feels like a little holiday