21

I love this post from when i was 20 so this is my21 version.
Me, as i am today.
Who i am,
the person I've grown into in the past two years since 20.

This is me, forever the free spirit, forever the explorer, forever learning more about myself and feeling more comfortable in my skin as i grow into myself.
Because I've always felt like an old soul, and been told i was one. In fact mum tels me of people who made this very comment when i was just a baby.
The main defining parts of my life lately have been-

Truly living with Benny.
Not just moving into this cute little house of ours, but living each day together for the past 18 months. Its been fun, its been challenging, we've learnt our roles in this new phase of our relationship. People told me living together would be hard, which sometimes it has been. But no one ever told me how amazing it would be to wake up next to him every morning, and still feel the love i felt the first time i decided i loved him, only so much deeper in my soul. I guess no one could have known how happy we would be right now

Trying for a baby and the 'hiccups' along the way.
Its been over a year since we decided we were ready for our baby. Finding out i have pocs was definitely one of the toughest and most scary moments of my life. My heart wanted to break in two, but my soul wouldn't let it. Because my heart is too important to me, i need it to love, because without love i just wouldn't want to be. All these months later i feel OK about it all. Well as OK about it as a person could. We will see a fertility specialist in October, and my cycles have righted themselves (perhaps because I'm stressing less, as I'm just so used to the negative pregnancy tests)I know that we will have a baby eventually, now i feel calmly patient

I feel at home in this town of ours.
I love that the mail man knows me, the lady at our local shop chats to the kids i look after and asks how they are when i go in without them. Yesterday she crossed the road to tell me that my flier (advertising my day care) had blown down and shed been meaning to see me to see if i had a new one i wanted to put up. Everyone i meet seems to know who i am because they know Benny or his parents. Small towns are nice like that.

Its taken me a long time to come through a bit of a fog.

A fog that has been-settling into my new life.

Living somewhere that i wasn't quite used to
Most of all not being able to get pregnant straight away, when it felt like id already waited a lifetime looking for the right person for me, waiting until we were ready for this baby.

Slowly over time I've felt better and better and now most days are happy days for me filled with beauty and appreciation for all the wonderful things i have in life. Slowly I'm feeling inspired more often. Taking care of myself more gently. Turning off the lulling TV and going outside instead. Seeing beauty and truly being able to feel it in my soul. Feeling love and joy.

My 21st year wasn't as carefree as my 20th, i had some deep things that weighed me down in a constant niggling way. That being said, 21 was a great year for me in so many ways